Finding Peace Amidst Narcissistic Chaos: Lessons from Psalm 37

This week, I faced two narcissistic attacks, and let me tell you—it left me feeling frozen. I didn’t know what to say or how to respond. I couldn’t believe how unjustly I was being spoken too! And the accusations...how does a narc even make stuff up like that!

How could I stand up for myself while still showing love to the narcissists? I chose to retreat to God, asking for His guidance. How could I honor God through my response?

This led me to Psalm 37 which we reflected on in Lectio Divina. Psalm 37 speaks right to the heart of anyone who’s gone through the pain and confusion of narcissistic abuse. It’s like God is gently reminding us not to get caught up in the chaos caused by the narcissist, no matter how successful or charming they seem on the outside.

Think about it—how often have we found ourselves fretting over the narcissist’s ability to manipulate situations, making themselves look like the victim while we feel like we’re losing our sanity? Maybe they’re thriving at work or in social circles, while we’re left questioning everything, wondering if we’re the problem. But Psalm 37:1 says, “Fret not yourself because of the wicked, be not envious of wrongdoers!” Those who do wrong may seem like they’re winning for a while, but their success is temporary. God promises, “they will soon fade like the grass” (v. 2). They may seem untouchable now, but it won’t last.

When we’ve been gaslit or manipulated by a narcissist, it’s easy to lose sight of who we are. The narcissist loves to confuse us, to make us doubt our instincts and second-guess our sense of right and wrong. But verse 3 calls us to “trust in the Lord and do good.” It’s like God is saying, “Don’t let the narcissist define you. Your identity is in Me, and it’s unshakable.” No matter what the narcissist says or does, God’s truth about who we are remains firm. You know deep down when something isn’t right, even when the narcissist tries to drown out that inner voice.

Here’s the hard part: patience. Psalm 37:7 says, “Be still before the Lord, and wait patiently for him.” But waiting on God feels impossible sometimes, especially when the narcissist is still playing mind games and we’re desperate for peace. It’s even harder because, after narcissistic abuse, the pain we’ve experienced almost feels comforting. I know that sounds strange, but when you’ve been conditioned to expect pain, it becomes familiar. It’s easy to slip back into that toxic cycle because, as twisted as it is, it’s what we know. But going back to that pain isn’t where healing lies—it’s only feeding into the evil the narcissist has planted in our hearts.

The lies they’ve told us, the brainwashing that made us question our own worth—it’s so hard to break free from that. The truth can feel foreign when we’ve been so conditioned to believe the narcissist’s version of reality. They’ve told us we’re worthless, or that no one else will ever love us like they do, or that we’re too sensitive. But God’s truth is different. It says we’re loved, worthy, and strong. The narcissist’s lies are suffocating, but God’s truth brings life and freedom.

When the psalm says, “Refrain from anger, and forsake wrath” (v. 8), it’s not saying we shouldn’t feel angry at the injustice we’ve experienced. Of course, we’re angry! The narcissist has caused real harm. But God is asking us not to let that anger consume us because it will only lead us down a dark path. It’s easy to want revenge or to see them punished for what they’ve done. But that kind of anger eats away at our own souls. Instead, God calls us to trust that He will bring justice. Verse 6 promises, “He will bring forth your vindication as the light.” God sees what’s been done to you, and He will act in His time. It’s not our job to carry the weight of justice—it’s His.

One of the most difficult things after dealing with a narcissist is to separate their actions from their words. Narcissists are masters of manipulation. They’ll sweet-talk you, apologize, say they’ve changed, only to turn around and hurt you again. Verse 9 reminds us that “the wicked shall be cut off,” meaning their behavior will catch up with them eventually. Our job is to be patient and wait for God to act.

And here’s something that’s so important to remember: calling out a narcissist, standing up to their manipulation, is an act of love. It’s loving yourself enough to set boundaries, and it’s loving them enough to show them the truth, even if they don’t want to hear it. Narcissists hate being confronted. They want to be seen as perfect and god-like. But God’s law is about humility, not pride. When you stand up to them, you’re showing them what real love looks like—love that’s rooted in truth, not lies. Of course, they might twist Scripture or use faith to justify their actions, but don’t be fooled by that. God’s Word is about humility, love, and truth—everything the narcissist tries to avoid.

Finally, let’s talk about forgiveness. Psalm 37:8 reminds us to “forsake wrath” and not be consumed by anger. This doesn’t mean we let the narcissist off the hook, but it does mean we don’t let our anger become bitterness. We can hate the sin without hating the sinner. Pray for their conversion, but protect your heart. Forgiveness doesn’t mean allowing them back into your life or tolerating their abuse. It means trusting God with the outcome and finding peace in knowing He will handle it.

In the end, Psalm 37 reminds us that God is in control, even when it feels like the narcissist is winning. If we commit our way to the Lord, He will act. Healing will come, and in time, the truth will shine. Stay anchored in God—your house is built on the rock, and nothing can shake it.

Psalm 37:1-9

1 Fret not yourself because of the wicked,
be not envious of wrongdoers!

2 For they will soon fade like the grass,
and wither like the green herb.

3 Trust in the Lord, and do good;
so you will dwell in the land, and enjoy security.

4 Take delight in the Lord,
and he will give you the desires of your heart.

5 Commit your way to the Lord;
trust in him, and he will act.

6 He will bring forth your vindication as the light,
and your right as the noonday.

7 Be still before the Lord, and wait patiently for him;
fret not yourself over him who prospers in his way,
over the man who carries out evil devices!

8 Refrain from anger, and forsake wrath!
Fret not yourself; it tends only to evil.

9 For the wicked shall be cut off;
but those who wait for the Lord shall possess the land.