Finding Peace with James 3:16-4:3: A Reflection for Healing from Narcissistic Abuse

LECTIO DIVINA

9/19/20243 min read

Reflection on James 3:16-4:3 for Catholics Healing from Narcissistic Abuse

In the passage from James, we are reminded that the root of our inner struggles often begins with disordered desires—jealousy, ambition, and a craving for control. For those who have endured narcissistic abuse, these disordered passions can feel overwhelming, leading us into internal battles where peace seems unattainable. It is in these moments that the words of James urge us to pause, reflect, and surrender.

When we face confusion, emotional pain, and desires that seem to lead to more frustration, we are called to examine what we truly seek. The wars, James tells us, begin within our hearts. For those healing from narcissistic abuse, these internal wars may look like a desire for justice, validation, or even revenge. Yet James reminds us that true peace comes not from striving to satisfy these cravings but from aligning our hearts with God’s will.

Prayer as Alignment with God's Will

Prayer is not merely about asking for what we want but about surrendering our will to God's. It is about coming into alignment with His desires for our lives. As we reflect on this passage, we are invited to ask ourselves, "What is the fruit of this season in my life?" Even in seasons of suffering, there is fruit, but sometimes we are so consumed by our desires that we miss it. In prayer, we can ask God to help us see what He wants us to learn from this experience.

Accepting God's Season for Your Life

Healing from narcissistic abuse often brings with it a desire to move quickly past the pain, to understand everything fully, or even to control how things unfold. But in these moments, we are called to pray for acceptance—acceptance of the season we are in and the lessons it holds. "Lord, show me what I need to learn from this experience," can be our prayer. And in doing so, we relinquish our need to know and understand everything, surrendering even our minds to God.

Surrendering to God’s Wisdom and Peace

God's wisdom, as James tells us, is pure, peaceable, kind, and full of mercy. It does not seek to control or dominate but instead brings about peace and justice. In our journey of healing, we must pray to desire what God desires for us. "Help me, Lord, want Your will for my life." This is a prayer of deep surrender, asking for the grace to let go of disordered desires that cause internal chaos.

The wars within us begin when our passions are disordered, when we seek our will instead of God's. But when we surrender and allow God's peace to take root in our hearts, we can begin to heal. His peace brings about a harvest of justice—not justice in the sense of human retribution, but the justice of living in right relationship with Him, ourselves, and others.

Reflection Questions for Healing:

What are the disordered desires that are stirring conflict within me?
How can I pray for God’s will to be done, even if it means surrendering my own desires?
What is the fruit of this season of healing in my life, and how is God using it to refine me?
How can I seek God’s wisdom, which is peaceable, kind, and merciful, in my journey toward recovery?

As you reflect on these questions, remember that God’s peace is available to you. It is a peace that surpasses all understanding and brings about true healing and justice in your life. Surrender your desires to Him, and trust that His wisdom will guide you on the path to wholeness.

16 Wherever there are jealousy and ambition, there are also disharmony and wickedness of every kind;

17 whereas the wisdom that comes down from above is essentially something pure; it is also peaceable, kindly and considerate; it is full of mercy and shows itself by doing good; nor is there any trace of partiality or hypocrisy in it.

18 The peace sown by peacemakers brings a harvest of justice.

1 Where do these wars and battles between yourselves first start? Is it not precisely in the desires fighting inside your own selves?

2 You want something and you lack it; so you kill. You have an ambition that you cannot satisfy; so you fight to get your way by force. It is because you do not pray that you do not receive;